If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path (Compass)
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Zen and the art of lasting relationships . . .
Filled with the same lighthearted, highly practical, spiritually sound guidance that resonated with readers of If the Buddha Dated, this book is a fresh and inspiring guide for anyone who wants to strengthen, deepen, or revitalize a relationship or marriage. Charlotte Kasl, PhD, renowned for her ability to speak with depth, wisdom, and humor on important matters of the heart, empowers us to create fulfilling and vibrant relationships throuhg a commitment to awareness, truth, and compassion.
If the Buddha Married explores how a "beginner's mind" can help us see our partners and ourselves afresh each day as we learn to nurture our commitment to each other. Marriage is truly a journey. Combining key teachings of Buddhism, Christianity, and other spiritual traditions with elements of psychology, this book is a wise and trusted guide through the joys and challenges of relationships that last and grow.
said after several months of deep psychotherapy, “I feel as if I’m coming out of a trance, like a balloon popped, and I’m seeing that I’ve been acting like a little girl and looking to Rudy as this man who will rescue me”— she paused and laughed—“and that sure is a ridiculous thing to do. He’s as confused as I am.” If you are having difficulties in your relationship, trace back to the time you met, and review the situation for both of you. Were there shadows around your relationship of
didn’t want to be there, but I just couldn’t get out.” At this level, people often feel they have to perform to be loved. This results in internal compromises and taking on the role of mother or father: “Did you remember your raincoat?” “Did you eat?” While these could be friendly gestures, more often they are an unconscious way of infantilizing ones partner so we can feel needed or important. Depression, anxiety, illness, physical symptoms, affairs, chaos, and addictions are often part of the
a buildup in pressure that may eventually lead to an explosion. Someone wakes up one day and says, “What happened to our love? Where did the joy go? Where is the sexual desire? I want out!” The partner is dumbfounded: “I had no idea.” It’s so important to notice tensions and take them seriously when you feel the vitality slipping out of your relationship. Recognize Counterfeit Conflicts i 157 Easing daily tensions can be very simple when people have self-awareness and can reveal their inner
feelings into anger, which becomes a cover for more authentic feelings. Others deny their anger and live in a rigid body. You and your partner might want to take some time to talk about all the messages you received about anger. What has it meant in your life and what do you do with it? Get scared, have a headache, eat, hide, want sex, feign a smile, tell yourself you’re bad, or explode? Reading through the different aspects of anger might provide more ideas for your conversation. Anger as a
together. You would learn a lot about each other, realize how “normal” you are, and probably have a few good laughs. Here are some of the basic fair-fight ground rules: 1. Stick to one topic at a time. It’s not fair to change the subject, bring up other problems, or refer to past indiscretions or other failings of the partner. 2. Talk in “I” statements: “I’m having a hard time when you . . . ,” “I’m frustrated when . . . ,” “I would like to . . .” Don’t say, “I think it would be best if ‘we’ . .